What’s wrong with this picture?
Going through the grieving process that is inevitable in the face of Separation and Divorce to rebuild your life with a healthy, new relationship with yourself and others, is fundamental in restoring a sense of wellbeing and confidence in yourself and your future. While everyone in the family unit will be affected, the parents ‘recover’ better when their children suffer the least and they know they’ve done their best to protect them!
It’s pretty clear that all is not well here! In this Model, we are looking at the challenges of successfully co-parenting with your former partner and minimising the harm to children so that they are not drawn into your struggle, or suffer divided loyalties.
In my work with people at this time, Family Constellations is among the most powerful tools in my ‘kit box’. With the resolution a ‘Spiritual Divorce’ provides through a Constellation, the children are free to just be kids again (regardless of their age) and not be entangled in what really belongs to their parents. When the responsibility for the relationship breakdown is left with the parents, the children are free to be in relationship with both parents (assuming it is safe to do so) and to form their own healthy adult relationships.
Whether you have children or not, a ‘Spiritual Divorce’ can support you and your family and bring clarity at a time that is awash with emotion and pain. And you don’t even need to have both partners present in order to do it!
A ‘Spiritual Divorce’ can help when…
- There are unresolved issues regarding the reason/s for the break-up and you’ve been left wondering what happened or unable to have your say.
- Communication between you and your former partner continues to be difficult or they’re ‘playing games’ to block the process.
- The children need certainty about ‘their place’ in the family and the ‘permission’ to love both their parents.
- You and/or your previous mate re-partner to form a blended family.
- Abuse or a power imbalance has been a factor in the demise of the relationship, and there is a need to restore the connection to your own personal power.
There are always two sides to the story!
What I’ve discovered with clients over the years is that many people are still experiencing the fall-out from their parents’ divorce when they marry or become parents themselves. This can restrict their ability to relax into their relationship, or means they approach conflict and the challenges of partnership from a place of fear. Healing this from the perspective of the child gives them more freedom and restores them to just be themselves as partners and parents today and to approach those roles with greater ease and effectiveness.
Also, dependent on the circumstances of the separation and the parents’ subsequent re-partnering, children themselves will be more or less open to healing at different ages and developmental stages. What may have been important to them as a child, changes as they enter into adolescence and adulthood.
A willingness and openness from parents and children to address the issues as they arise make way for love to flow between all members of a family. Working with adults and young people toward this end is some of the most rewarding work I do!
Listen to this Podcast to hear Diane talking with Lyn Lucas about ‘Coping with Divorce’ where we touch on the Spiritual Divorce process.
If healing from your parents’ or your own Separation would make a difference in your life … then a Constellation &/or the ‘Spiritual Divorce’ process in a Workshop or Private Session could be for you!
Thanks for sharing!