The Menu is Not the Meal – What Healing Needs

The menu is not the meal! I first heard this saying by Alan Watts close to 40 years ago and have often pondered its meaning. This morning, the sense I gave it was this… Just because we’ve laid the cards on the table doesn’t mean we’ve resolved the problem. Knowing what’s at stake doesn’t preclude us from having to go the distance! Deciding that it’s all too much, better to leave sleeping dogs lie, or sweep that damn secret under the carpet just one more time, is tempting. However, this attitude will not heal our individual or collective pain!

Whether we are facing an emerging problem or one that has plagued humanity throughout history, the time for transformation has come. As uncomfortable as that may sound, the only way out is through!

What you and I refuse to look at or address, we leave for our children and our children’s children to deal with. And we witness this consistently in Systemic Family Constellations. This relates to us as individuals and as members of a family system. It also applies to all the systems that govern our lives and to issues of societal and global significance. Healing our collective pain is crucial in addressing these broader systemic issues.

If we turn back or look away, we risk being turned to stone, as the prophecy from the Bible story of Sodom and Gomorrah warns us. In our modern-day context, this translates to falling into a depression. In my perception, it represents the hardening that occurs when we block our emotions and defend against the truth.

I know that before we can set out on that proverbial climb up the mountain, we need to gather our resources. We must create the space – mental, physical, emotional and spiritual – to withstand what we fear we’ll meet on the path. What matters is that we follow through rather than wait until the mountain itself has grown ever higher.

I have always said that when I meet a new client I have no idea what they’ll bring with them. What I find on many occasions, is neither do they! Few people have been spared some degree of trauma in their lives or the broken connections in time and space that accompany it.

The Path to Healing

My job is to help people uncover the blocks to healing that stand in their way. I assist in making the connections that help re-weave the thread of their lives into a more harmonious story and repair the damage that has masked that. Ultimately, this contributes to healing both our individual and collective pain and suffering.

As human beings, our prevailing fear is that we won’t be able to handle what shows up. We fear that the feelings will engulf us. As I have said a thousand times, we fear that our anger, if unleashed, would annihilate the planet. And if we allowed ourselves to cry, we would never stop! Yet, there will be an end to the tears and the anger if we are willing to connect with and release them.

It is not the healthy expression of these emotions that is the problem. Rather, it is the suppression or depression of them that causes us – and invariably, others – untold pain. Not only does the internalising of our feelings wreak havoc, but the more they are suppressed, the louder they become. What may have begun as mild frustration or annoyance, if ignored, morphs into anger. Finally, it becomes rage, which, as we see all too often, has the potential to cause significant harm.

If you’re reading this in 2021 or beyond, the inescapable reality is that the collective pain and trauma we have been experiencing is unlike anything in recent memory. It would be foolhardy to think we would not be triggered or struggle to remain calm in the face of all that confronts us. As I discovered, it was only possible to reflect on who and what we have lost, or risked losing, once there was time and space for it. Then I could connect with the sadness and grief that I felt and let it go.

If, at times, you find yourself unexpectedly howling or feeling justifiably cross, make room for it. Like me, let the feelings flow and give yourself the time and space to reconnect with who you really are. You are a spiritual being here to have a human experience, which is the felt experience. Remember… this is not a licence to cause pain to others. Allow the feelings that have been suppressed as a survival mechanism to be released in a safe manner. This will make way for better thoughts, feelings and actions to follow.

This is the way to joy, laughter, and lightness. Let yourself have the meal today so that what you put on the menu tomorrow can be something of a very different nature.

November 2021

As simple a solution as this may sound, I know that it can also be a little daunting!

Want to know more about how I could assist you? Then contact me to book a free 20-minute chat.

Working online via Zoom, I can connect with you wherever you are!

Thanks for sharing!