Most people going through Separation & Divorce would prefer to walk away with their dignity intact and an appreciation of the purpose of their time together. While the support of family and friends is crucial, it can be difficult for them to remain objective as they come to terms with their own feelings and the changing dynamics in their relationship circle. This is where Divorce Coaching can help!
What can I expect from Divorce Coaching with Diane?
- An understanding of the emotional impact of separation and help to process your feelings to prevent further pain to yourself or others.
- A safe space to communicate with your former spouse where appropriate and elicit the cooperation necessary for an amicable settlement of your affairs.*
- Awareness of the effect of separation on your children, how to prepare them for the changes taking place and respond to any concerns you or they may have. Helping parents to address their feelings about their children, so they can be more available to them, is an integral part of the healing process for the whole family.
- Non-judgemental assistance to identify, and take ownership for, your part in the separation. It is this acceptance of responsibility, rather than blame or shame, which allows people to face their loss and begin to separate in a healthy manner.
- Clarity about your future and assistance to rebuild your life, one step at a time.
- Redefining your role/s with your children and/or former partner moving forward.
- Healing of personal issues which contributed to, or surface during, the separation.
- Assistance to re-partner in a healthy manner.
*Legal and financial matters need to be addressed by the relevant professionals. My intent is to facilitate the flow of effective communication and help you to be emotionally available to cooperate with and profit from our combined expertise. Where possible, we will work together as a team for the benefit of all parties.
In this Podcast Diane chats with The Wellness Guys, Drs Brett Hill, Damian Kristof and Laurence Tham on this topic:
For information about Collaborative Divorce go to www.collaborativepractice.com
How Does It Work?
This depends on the timing and circumstances of the separation. If, during the process of Relationship Counselling, a couple comes to the point of separation then, with their permission, the process will continue, to achieve the best results for all.
If the entry point is post separation, I may work with only one person, especially where a power imbalance has been a major factor in the demise of the relationship. Our attention will be on restoring in the client a connection with their personal power.
Either way, being able to let go of a former partner with respect, without denying the reality of what has occurred, is a valuable Outcome available through our work together. One way I facilitate this is through a Family Constellations process called the ‘Spiritual Divorce’. With the resolution this provides for the partners, the children are free to just be kids again (regardless of their age) and not be entangled in what basically belongs to their parents.
My first priority is to empower parents to respond to the emotional needs of their children and be clear about what is in their best interests. I may also work with the children and family or refer you to Child Specialists. At all times, we draw on the strengths of the family unit and honour the traditions already in place to give children stability amid the changes inherent in any separation.
‘To work with people at such a critical moment in their lives is a profound privilege. Few of us are prepared for the feelings which accompany the loss of a partner &/or the family unit, or the potential of the grieving process to derail even the best-laid plans.
To see people transform what has the potential to be such a harmful experience, even in the midst of their own pain, into one of growth inspires the utmost respect and admiration. No matter how small the steps, whenever an individual or couple embrace the truth and take action with love and respect for themselves toward a conscious parting, they pave the way for healing for everyone involved and demonstrate a courage that is worthy of note.’
What Will Be Expected of Me?
The key ingredient in the success of our work together is the constructive participation and readiness of you, the client, as you work through the stages of grief. Other things which make a difference are:
- Attention to your physical, financial, emotional, and spiritual well-being.
- A willingness to try something new and to ask for help when necessary.
- Patience, compassion, and respect for yourself, your family, and the professionals you have assigned to help you.
In this Podcast Diane talks about ‘What’s Important When Going Through Separation’.
‘To achieve a dignified divorce means working with your former partner at the same time as letting them go. This requires a great deal of maturity, cooperation, and trust. Sometimes, it’s a matter of ‘fake it ‘til you make it’ and keeping your eye on the big picture. Clearly it’s not for everyone!’
However, by establishing a Coaching relationship early on, whenever you need support along the way, you know you have a committed partner to whom you can return. Ultimately, the earlier the involvement of the Divorce Coach, and the greater your commitment to a peaceful resolution, the better the outcome for all, just as the couple below demonstrate!
‘… thank you for all the support and love you have shown my wife and I through this time in our relationship to identify and resolve the issues that have been present for many years. Your help and guidance has enabled us to make the most loving choices for ourselves … and allowed us to come up with a strategy to separate with dignity and honour and provide a safe and nurturing place for our children. For this I am most grateful.
… on a one on one basis … our sessions … have given me the context of understanding my feelings and being true to myself. This has helped me uncover the real person that has been masked since my childhood and for this I will be eternally grateful. Without your assistance I would still be floundering and wondering what was happening to my life; instead I am fully aware of how I feel and I am happy.’
Tweed Valley, NSW
To book in for Separation & Divorce Coaching, contact Diane or Call +61 417 683 006.
Thanks for sharing!